It’s Good For Your Children To See You As An Imperfect Mother

As a mother, it is likely that, from the moment your child was born, you have felt the pressure to perform your role as a mother to the best of your ability. Every mother strives for perfection in her work. This applies even before the birth, when she tries to follow all health recommendations during pregnancy. However, you should know that it is not bad for your child to perceive you as an imperfect mother. On the contrary, it is necessary and healthy.

What mother has not gone to bed at night and felt guilty for having lost her temper with her little one? Who has not wondered how it must have affected her children to see her cry or scream that night?

We are afraid that our actions will condition their personality and their future. And so we sometimes try to look like a robot, a machine that is carefully programmed not to make mistakes.

Fortunately, you are human and, believe it or not, the failures that plague you now can actually benefit your child’s development.

Why is it good for your children to perceive you as an imperfect mother?

A real relationship

How would you feel if your partner or best friend just showed you their positive feelings? What would you think if they, when they were sad or angry, avoided you or falsified a feeling they did not feel? We all want our emotional relationships to be sincere and honest. And we want the other person to show up as it is because that is exactly what builds trust and commitment.

For the same reason, it is counterproductive to try to be perfect in front of our children. Even though we think they are still small, they perceive more than we think and will realize that something is not right. They will then wonder why you are trying to hide it, which prevents mutual trust from being established.

It’s not about overwhelming them with our adult problems, which they cannot understand or solve. However, they will appreciate that you show yourself as a human being and are real with them.

Normalize the imperfection

Children come into the world without knowledge or experience of how to behave and function. They learn from their parents what is expected, is acceptable and appropriate. So, if you try to look perfect in their eyes, you will convey to them the idea that flaws are not an option in life. Imagine the pressure to grow up with perfection as the only way?

If you accept, show and normalize your mistakes, you will give them permission to fail, make mistakes and learn from it. It is extremely necessary and healthy for them to be aware that we are all making mistakes and that this is something completely natural. By showing yourself as a human being, you are helping them not to blame themselves or be ashamed of the mistakes they can make.

Model management strategies

At the same time, we all know that children learn through imitation to a great extent. By observing your behavior, you acquire and internalize the tools that they will later implement on their own. Therefore, by accepting and showing your mistakes, sorrows and frustrations, you will serve as a model for how to deal with these emotions.

If they see you overcoming a slump, they’ll learn how to do it. If they see that you accept your grief as valid, they are imitating your attitude and coping strategies. We all undeniably have our bad days and your children will have them too, so it’s really valuable that you teach them through your example how to get through these times.

Let them see you as an imperfect mother

In short, be open, honest and natural with your children. Let them perceive you as an imperfect mother. If one day you feel sad, you can cry.

If one day you are tired or angry, you can say that. And, if you make a mistake, normalize it and follow the necessary steps to make it right. With your attitude, you will learn your little resilience and emotional intelligence, values ​​that will be very useful in life.

All children feel that mom and dad are heroes, but the natural development process makes them at some point understand that they are human and imperfect.

Idealization of parents leads to children having unrealistic expectations of others that lead to difficulties in their social relationships. So remember that your only job is to be honest and loving, but not perfect.